I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
