we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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