Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
