This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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