you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
