The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
