he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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