hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
