You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
