after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
