Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
