Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
