I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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