I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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