Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
