Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
