Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
