I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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