Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
