I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
