I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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