worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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