i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
