all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
