I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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