Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
