Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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