so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
