Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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