Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
