i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Randomize
