if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
