I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
