Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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