we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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