She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
