I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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