if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
