I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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