i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
