Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
