I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
