I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
