the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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