fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
