he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
