i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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