i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize