thus making me awesome and them whores
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
