and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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