Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
