farters have to be the big spoon...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
