4 words: hood of his car
Welp...herpes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
