Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
