i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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