Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
