Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
