Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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