they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
