it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
