I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
