You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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