Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
