omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
